Five habits that I developed in my prostitution career I wished I didn’t
Have you ever thought about habits that women learn after prostitution? There are so many bad things you just pick up along the way. Needless to say, I wish things had been different, but you can’t change your past. Only learn from it.
I Became a Casual Liar
You won’t encounter many people in prostitution that are proud of it and willing to admit what they do for a living. And I was never one of them. Like many others in this line of business, I started making up different stories as a way to hide what I truly do. And it quickly became a habit.
You know what they say — practice makes perfect. And I was damn good at it. Now that I take a look back, I can see that I started lying about nearly anything because it was so simple. I was able to make up a believable story in an instant to cover up my tracks. Of course, part of it was necessary to hide my identity and protect those around me. But at one point, you start lying as a way to avoid conflicts or because the lie has lived for too long.
Compromising Unnecessary Things
Compromising is good, right? We all need to set our priorities and stick to our decisions. I keep telling myself that it was a necessary thing I had to do to ensure personal growth in this field. And as a prostitute, it meant reaching a point where your decisions start having consequences.
There are many examples of unjustified compromises, but one of the worst ones was having to trade my own body for money. As you are probably aware, selling sex is not the healthiest choice you can make, and it can bring many problems.
And that’s just the beginning. You develop a certain mentality where you will use this to justify any action you make. Well, if I can work as a prostitute, there is no reason why I should do this as well. It creates a domino effect that only helps you sink lower and lower.
I Have the “It Is What It Is” Mindset
Neglect is something that was always a part of my mindset. And it only gets worse with time. You start accepting things as they are, and no matter how bad it is, you just roll over and accept it. Just start thinking, “it is what it is,” and that’s it.
Yes, finding the strength to accept things you cannot change is an excellent skill. But applying this methodology to everything only creates more problems. Moreover, it makes it nearly impossible for you to make the necessary change.
Once you accept that being a prostitute is your life, you won’t be able to find the courage to try something else. The low levels of acceptance were devastating from time to time, and it was one of the main reasons I stayed in business for so long. Now that I think about it, I should have left years ago.
Guilt Tripping and Manipulative Behaviors
Being a prostitute helps you learn a lot of new skills. Manipulation is just one of them. It is a rough world with the survival of the fittest rule. If you don’t focus on getting what you want, you will end up with nothing. And I became an expert in guilt-tripping and manipulating men. It was one of my means.
I don’t consider myself a bad person, and each time I had to manipulate someone to get money left me feeling worse than ever. It is something that leaves a long-lasting foul taste in your mouth. Resources were my words, and it was the way to survive in the harsh environment.
I wish I could have done things differently in the past, but I now know that I can’t change it. I can only learn how to live with things I’ve done.
Self Neglect and Abuse
When you start selling your body, it doesn’t take long before you stop caring about yourself. I was in a dark place where self-neglect and self-abuse were my loyal companions. Needless to say, I didn’t care about what happened to me at the time, and I was more than willing to abuse myself in exchange for money.
One of the first things that hit me was insomnia, and it was closely followed by sexually transmitted diseases. And you can guess where I got those. Once the ship starts sinking, it’s not easy to focus on self-care and even try to find a way to get yourself out of the hellhole you dug all by yourself.
Now I see it.
Those that work as prostitutes are more likely to develop a drug habit. It seems like the only option. Your feelings and thoughts keep trying to find their way out, and the only thing you can do is bury them even deeper.
And the simplest way to achieve that is through drug abuse. Drugs make you become dull. Everything is simpler. You don’t have to feel everything, and I was in a time in my life where all the sexual abuse seemed as if it was happening to someone else.
At the same time, drugs can help you stay through the night. It is one of the simplest ways to continue working no matter what. Sleep was something my body craved for, but my brain was oblivious to my needs.
Finding a way out is never easy, especially if you find yourself in a tough spot. However, it is possible with a lot of hard work and dedication. Don’t give up. Believe it or not, life after prostitution does exist.
Being a Pimp in the Age of Pandemic
By now, we’ve learned all about how the COVID-19 pandemic has impacted Uber drivers, artists, movie theaters, and so on. But what about sex work? If you’re not a regular client, you probably don’t know anything about how the coronavirus has impacted prostitutes and pimps.
In this exclusive interview, we’ve chatted with A.J., a 10-G’s-a-week pimp who will remain anonymous for obvious reasons. Check out what he had to say on being a pimp in the age of a pandemic!
“Tell Us How It Was Before the Pandemic”
Well, you’ve probably seen what we do as pimps from movies and similar sh*t. Let me start by telling you that things have changed a lot in the sex work world. Most people think that pimps are criminals who dabble in sexual exploitation, force women to work, or are involved with human trafficking. But pro pimps like myself take this job very seriously.
I don’t see my women and girls as my “products.” I have a strict business relationship with them. Like, I am just a simple middleman who helps female sex workers find clients and sell sex to make money. Also, I think the pimp-escort dynamic works better than a solo hooker who organizes her own clients.
Obviously, I make ads, find the right connections, and set women up on dates. Then, I collect my fee. I don’t push my girls into doing anything they don’t want to. Plus, I always make sure that they are comfortable. I provide protection for my girls and keep them safe from violence or clients who don’t want to pay.
Overall, this dynamic used to be simple and profitable. I could make around 10 G’s a week working with several girls. It was actually real easy to bring in the cash while avoiding a trip to the police department.
“How Did You Adjust During the Lockdown?”
Oh man, everything has changed! There are some good and bad things about being in the sex industry now. When all of this started, we were all out of work for a few months. Like, guys wanted to f*ck more than ever because they were locked up for weeks. But I had to stop any home orders for a while until I knew that my girls were safe.
Basically, to get back on my feet and provide income for the girls, I first relied on my regulars. I’ve always had a couple of clients and closest contacts. I knew I could rely on them to stay healthy. I just needed them to get tested along with my girls, and everything was cool then. Still, my clientele dropped a lot after the lockdown. But I kept my business rolling through online platforms. Think OnlyFans, Stripchat, Chatrubate, and so on…
“How Do You Make Sure Your Girls Are Safe?”
I’m assuming you know that most sex workers have shifted to online work during the lockdown. Like, having sex with someone remotely is a completely different jam. But that isn’t necessarily bad. If all of my escorts work online, they stay completely safe. There’s no direct contact, no need for constant testing. My girls feel much more secure on this gig.
First, I talk to the girls to see what they want to do. Then, we find a platform, and I take care of everything. That includes setting up accounts, dealing with money matters, sending requests to new users, and so on. After that, it’s pretty straightforward. The girls try their best to look hot while performing online, and everyone is safe and happy.
However, making someone feel good on a webcam is completely different compared to sex in real life. What I was most surprised with is that lots of my regulars and newer clients are fully aware of the situation. Like, they know the risks, and even though they’re horny as heck right now, they don’t push me into bringing them girls to f*ck in person.
“Are You Earning More Now Than Before?”
We are getting heaps of bizarre requests from dudes. My girls would never have tried them before the lockdown. You know, a guy eats poppers and asks his hooker to humiliate him while shoving marbles up his ass, telling him she’s his mommy while smearing milk all over herself, that kind of stuff… Right now, business is getting back to normal, at least in terms of what we are earning.
It took a few months until I was able to get back on track and consider the best methods to save my business. In the end, the coronavirus gave me a new outlook on my work and offered me some new business models.
By working online, I can bring in more girls since they can contact me easily. Also, lots of new girls are willing to try online sex because it’s not as risky or demanding. I have women who make hundreds of dollars just talking to clients and acting like their GFs. Findom is on the rise too, you know, that fetish where guys want to get humiliated financially by girls. That brings in tons of cash currently. And obviously, we are getting more customers. Tons of single guys are seeking out virtual sex with prostitutes simply because they can’t stay locked up forever.
“Do You See Yourself Going Back to the Old Ways?”
Who knows… My girls and I are all making good money now and all with much less effort. Like, the escorts don’t have to get tested every week for STIs because they do not have physical contact with clients.
As I said, it’s also much easier on the women when guys ask for certain fetishes and kinks. Some of the girls still love to shove monster dildos up their asses on cam and squirt all over their bedroom though.
And that’s another thing that shows me this new way of business is actually better. The girls are much more into f*cking and showing off their goods on cam compared to in real life. This applies to private shows, group shows, paid videos, and so on. It makes them feel better, safer, and it actually brings them much more fun and pleasure while working. So yes, I doubt I’ll go back to the old ways any time soon!
How the internet changed the market for sex
“Elle” is a 63-year-old sex worker. She’s been at it for decades, and what makes her extraordinary isn’t just her longevity in the business, but her ability to adapt to a changing market. Sex work is as old as civilization, but in the past 20 years the market for illegal sex services has undergone a radical transformation thanks to the internet, upending how it is sold and priced. There are now more women selling sex, more overall encounters, and—unlike in many other industries disrupted by the web—higher wages for workers.
We used 17 years’ worth of data scraped from The Erotic Review, a website that is like the Yelp for illegal sex services. The dataset features about 1.1 million reviews, which contain extremely detailed descriptions of encounters, time spent, features of the sex worker, and price. According to data on the site, average inflation-adjusted hourly rates increased 38% between 2000 and 2015. Elle’s reviews have appeared since 2000 and her prices—now around $270 per hour—almost exactly track the national average each year.
“So you’re saying I am average,” Elle says wryly upon hearing this news.
In many ways, Elle’s path is typical of long-term sex workers. Her career started in the mid-1990s at a San Francisco-based escort agency. They found her clients and she paid them about 20% of her earnings.
The agency went out of business when it was discovered by law enforcement. Elle briefly worked at another agency, but it was the turn of the millennium and the internet was starting to take off. She, like many other sex workers, realized that she didn’t need an agency anymore—the web let her set her own prices and work for herself.
Clandestine markets are often the earliest adopters of technology. Illicit work is risky: technology makes it both safer and more profitable. Few industries have been transformed as quickly and profoundly by the internet as illegal sex work.
A look at the data reveals how the economics of sex work have changed. Classical economics often assumes transparent pricing and a market where buyers and sellers can easily find each other. Needless to say, this did not apply for illicit sex work. The internet has enhanced transparency and made it easier to match buyers with sellers. In many ways, it makes some women safer and better off, though it also comes with a dark side.
How sex is bought and sold now
Sex work has what economists call a “matching” problem. Before the internet, it was particularly difficult for buyers and sellers to find each other. Regional markets were thin and workers who advertised in newspapers risked arrest. As a result, the illegal sex trade, like other illicit businesses, was inefficient, with unpredictable prices and patchy availability. Violence, instead of law, was used to enforce contracts.
The market for sex has traditionally been segmented. There are low-end prostitutes who walk the street and work with pimps on one end, and high-end escorts who work for agencies on the other. But on the internet, sex workers found they could advertise to many more potential customers, and all segments of the market moved online, though they might advertise in different places. Craigslist and Backpage are the most popular sites that cater to the low-end market, while Eros is the best-known site on to the higher end, though there is often overlap.
The growth of internet-based sex work also spawned more variety in services, including a mid-range market. Research by Scott Cunningham of Baylor University and Todd Kendall of consultancy Compass Lexecon argues that the internet shrank the street market by making it easier for sex workers to move indoors. They estimate the indoor market grew because of both substitution (streetwalkers moving indoors) as well as women entering the market for the first time as the costs and risks associated with sex work fell.
The internet doesn’t just help workers advertise more widely. Sex workers gather on message boards where they share strategies, pricing, and warnings about bad customers. For their part, customers post detailed reviews on sites like The Erotic Review. The combination of these sites brings buyers and sellers together far more efficiently than before. Services are bundled, search costs are lower, and verifiable reputations for everyone involved bring greater transparency to a previously opaque industry.
As reviews became visible, available for others to see online, they began influencing the workers. Like all reputation mechanisms, this improved accountability, according to another study by Cunningham and Kendall (pdf). Providers couldn’t blackmail customers, renege on services that were pre-negotiated, or take money and leave before performing services without risking a bad review that would hurt future business.
One sex worker told Cunningham and Kendall that “a lot of girls use [The Erotic Review] for the ratings. I have dozens of pages of reviews on there. It took me years to get those good ratings, and I make good money now because of it, but I had to work my butt off for them.”
The transparency and reliability of the sex business has improved as review sites have grown in popularity. Increased activity on sites like The Erotic Review is also a proxy for the overall growth in the market—more sex workers engaging in more encounters with clients—since there is no reliable census or sampling of sex workers due to its illegal status.
The number of buyers and sellers on review sites appear to grow in concert, suggesting that they play an important matching role. Now anyone can peruse a listing of sex workers from their home, instead of taking the risk of curb crawling.
Is selling sex online safer?
Even among willing adults who buy and sell sex online, risks remain. Agreeing to a tryst with someone they meet online still exposes sex workers to the risk of both violence and arrest, the same as during the analog days. Sex workers are easy prey for sadistic individuals: they might be robbed, blackmailed, beaten, raped, or even killed. One-third of all sex worker homicides are due to murder by serial killers (pdf). Another fear is that a purported client might be an undercover cop. When asked, sex workers are divided on what’s a bigger worry, violent psychopaths or the police. What isn’t in doubt is that sex workers now use technology to make themselves safer from both, mostly through better screening.
Screening lets a sex worker learn more about a new client’s background and intentions before agreeing to meet with him. Informal examples include asking for letters of reference, calling him at work, doing background checks, and talking extensively via email and the phone. Formal examples include designated third-party services like Preferred411 or shared “whitelists” of approved clients. Whitelists have always been around in the escort industry, but until the internet came along they weren’t as widely shared.
The Erotic Review, for instance, provides a service whereby a client seeking to engage with a sex worker for the first time has another sex worker vouch for him. While not perfect, these and other screening practices have made the work considerably safer for both buyers and sellers, thus ensuring more efficient matches.
That said, getting access to credible screening services raises its own problems. One sex worker complained to Quartz that access to one site required a good review from a high-status reviewer on The Erotic Review. She felt pressure to offer free or heavily discounted services to obtain a good review from the person as a result.
It seems, in general, that sex workers are safer despite engaging in more encounters thanks to the internet. Cunningham’s latest research (pdf) examined the impact that Craigslist’s opening of its “erotic services” advertising section in certain cities had on violence against women. Craigslist offered these listings in different cities at different times, and the researchers used the variations to identify the causal effect that the platform had on homicides against women.
They found that the availability of Craigslist’s erotic services led to a 1-17% reduction in homicides, and a modest decline in rape. They also found that Craiglist’s service was associated with a higher probability of escorts working independent of an agency and more “incalls,” in which a client travels to meet a sex worker. Furthermore, the probability a review contained the word “street” declined after erotic services opened in a city, suggesting that at least some of the increase in the online market came from prostitutes who formerly worked the streets shifting to soliciting indoors. The risks are profoundly lower for work arranged via online exchanges.
How the internet changed the price of sex
As the information and matching problems that historically plagued this underground market were reduced by the internet, pricing practices changed, too.
We spoke to Elle about how she sets her prices and why they have gone up by as much as they have. This was surprising because over the past 15 years, she transitioned away from escorting and into lower-paid erotic massage. “I don’t have the body to escort anymore,” she said, wistfully.
Elle has kept her prices in line with the rising market because she does her homework. “There is a Google group I belong to that is for women in the sex business,” she said. “Sometimes fees are discussed to see what others are charging. Newbies may charge a little less since they are learning the ropes, so to speak. “
“There is a Google group I belong to that is for women in the sex business.”
Elle works in different cities, so she adjusts her prices to match the local market conditions. “I will also look at the places that I travel to for work, go to the ads on Backpage.com or Eros.com, and then check out their websites,” she said. “Most girls will have their prices listed.” Prices are cheaper in the Midwest, at about $200 an hour, but on the coasts she charges $260.
Regularly checking market conditions allows Elle to increase her prices. Unlike women in most industries, Elle is always aware what others are paid, and this empowers her to set prices that suit market conditions. Of course, unlike other markets, sex services are unique. Prices matter, but providers offer enough of an idiosyncratic service that there is less pressure to undercut the competition at the margin, by offering $299 instead of $300 per hour, for example.
As the market has grown, different price tiers have emerged for different segments. Data from The Erotic Review reveal a multi-tiered market, with prices clustering around even numbers such as $200, $250, and $300 per hour.
The rise of high-end sex work
Since 2000, more transactions have been recorded at the top end of the market, probably due to more women joining the industry who see their services as higher quality and justifying a large premium. The median and lower-end prices have also increased, but not by as much.
Patty Plenty has been a sex worker for decades and has amassed a long history of reviews on The Erotic Review. She claims she’s appeared in nearly 100 adult films and in her online listing under “Breast Cup” it reads,
“JUST PLAIN HUGE.” The 60-something said these features mean she can charge a premium to other sex workers. (In fact, she used far more lewd language to describe the source of her superior pricing power.)
Patty’s premium has been consistent over time, at almost exactly twice the national average. When clients balk at her price she tells them, “You can go with some flat-chested local girl for that price.”
Chart from TheAtlas.com
Patty lives in Hawaii, where the market is smaller and prices are generally higher. She says she increased her prices over time to reflect the higher cost of living, taxes, and what it takes to continue “looking good.” She also earns money from real estate deals and adult films. She has been married seven times, and has an adult daughter who works in finance.
Before the internet, Patty advertised in newspapers, specializing in erotic massage but willing to have sex with clients if they paid her more. She says she started advertising online in the mid-1990s, and she’s always been an early adopter of new technology. “I always had a computer, even in 1983,” she said.
Many of the top-end sex workers have what economists call a “reservation wage.” That is, they will only do sex work if they are paid enough to make it worth their while. Since the internet made it easier and safer for women with high reservation wages to enter the market, this may be why prices at the high end of the market are growing the fastest.
Is this efficient?
In part, the overall rise in the price for sex reflects higher costs, like health care and rent in the urban areas where most sex workers work. But it also seems to indicate higher price markups, which is surprising. You might assume that an online marketplace that generates more competition and transparency would result in lower markups—like what Amazon is doing to the retail industry. After all, why would someone pay a sex worker $700 an hour when they can get a similar service for $200?
When the market operated in the shadows, charging higher prices was a way to separate low-end street walkers from escorts. But these prices didn’t necessarily reflect the quality service. This practice now seems unnecessary given the detailed reviews on sites like The Erotic Review. Thus, if the market is working as it should, higher prices should be the result of a better customer experience. For sex work, it seems like that’s the case, to a certain extent.
Users of The Erotic Review post a numeric score of their overall experience after each transaction. Higher ratings are correlated with a higher price.
So, it seems customers get what they pay for. Performance is hard to quantify, but it seems highly related with appearance: higher priced sex workers typically have above-average performance and appearance ratings.
This could reflect a causal effect of performance and appearance on price. Many studies have shown that workers who are more attractive on average earn more money. Or, it may reflect a sort of placebo effect, in which price influences the subjective evaluations of quality, such as the tendency for wine drinkers to give higher ratings to pricier bottles.
For sex work, the relationship between price and performance flattens out at the higher end of the ratings. Customers who paid $600 an hour tend to give similar ratings as people who paid $400 or $500. Most reviews tend to cluster around a 7 or 8 out of 10.
It could be that buyers can get an “8” experience for $400, $600, or more. It is hard to know for certain. Paying for services at the top end of the market may also come with outsize expectations that are difficult to fulfill.
The downside of making sex easy to buy
Most sex workers are willing adults who work independently. Since moving online, illegal sex work has become safer, easier, and more profitable. Is that a good thing?
It is an unambiguous improvement that sex workers are now less reliant on pimps, often a source of violence (pdf), and can now better screen potential customers, further lowering their risk of harm. But there is evidence that the ease of promoting sex work online has also led to an increase in human trafficking, especially of minors. Some of the websites where providers advertise, especially at the lower end of the market, include human trafficking victims.
Backpage has been sued multiple times for featuring trafficked minors in its listings. In January, the US Senate released a report (pdf)—“Backpage.com’s Knowing Facilitation of Online Sex Trafficking”—that detailed the extent of the problem, based on a two-year investigation. It noted that 73% of trafficking tip-offs to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children from the general public involved Backpage.
Shortly after the report, BackPage shut down its adults-only section. Backpage claims it cooperated with law enforcement and was often used as a tool to uncover human traffickers. Other websites make similar claims. The Erotic Review also pledges a zero-tolerance policy for reviews involving human trafficking or minors, and claims to cooperate with law enforcement when it finds offenders.
Greater transparency and the funneling of both coercive and consensual sex work through a few popular sites should, in theory, make it easier to identify human traffickers. The internet-enabled market for sex is growing so quickly, though, that it provides both cover and more opportunities for human traffickers to ply their trade.
Like many industries, the internet changed the market for sex faster than it could be regulated and policed. While consenting adults may be better off as a result, advances in technology have also allowed criminals to exploit the most vulnerable.
If you ask 100 sex workers why they work in the business, you’ll get 100 different answers. Some enter the industry by force, some are in it for the money, and others genuinely enjoy the work. Moving this large, diverse industry online has fundamentally changed how sex is bought and sold, generating benefits as well as horrible costs.
Here is an exercise that I recommend for my couples for homework, I find that it’s a short and quick way to begin uncovering vulnerability and increasing intimacy. Just 5 minutes could make all the difference in your day and marriage!
Here’s a quick step-by-step guide to an exercise we call, “Heads on Pillows.”
- Make sure to devote five minutes to this exercise. Be present and engaged with your partner with no distractions.
- With clothes on, lie down and face each other at eye level and place both of your heads on a pillow.
- Be still, don’t make faces, gestures.
- Look into your partner’s eyes and try to see all the way into his or her soul.
- Look at your partner continuously without breaking contact.
- Allow yourself to let go into the experience beyond any initial feelings until you breakthrough to connection.
- Once five minutes are up, talk to your partner about the experience. What feelings did it bring up? Did you experience your partner in a different way?
Many things could happen, you could giggle, cry, or have any number of emotions come up. Whatever happens is all perfectly fine, use this opportunity to connect and talk to your mate and have it be a conversation starter. Talk about whether you both find it easy or hard to be vulnerable and let people fully in, and how you have experienced this all of your life. Remember, continued positive experiences together can be transformative in your marriage!
The benefits of prostitution
The late night hours, men known as “Johns” and a long history as far back as the ancient world pull in a subculture seen as vile and dangerous. Prostitution, dubbed the world’s oldest profession, has an awful stigma attached to it. Religion may deem it immoral and feminists may call it degrading and lacking in integrity, but its legalization has powerful good as well.
For one, it would reduce the violence against prostitutes, more so for the women. They are vulnerable to violence from their customers, pimps and madams. With prostitution legalized their profession would escape the shadows of illegality and allow its workers to call the police. If still illegal, they would be too afraid to call any authority and the rape and murder count would continue to rise.
Legalization would make sex workers healthier. The pressure of prostitutes to forego condoms is a great health risk on a global level. If legal, its workers can get tested regularly and practice safer sex. Sex workers in Nevada have to get monthly tests for Syphilis and HIV, and weekly tests for Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. Nevada also requires condoms for all sex in brothels.
Prostitution is arguably a victimless crime. If both parties are consenting adults and the “victims” are the prostitutes themselves, what crime is there? If legalized, women may feel empowered instead of corrupted, and the act can be seen as beneficial and uplifting.
Legal prostitution can be a source of tax revenue. If legal, then state and county governments could gain significant revenue. Even though in Nevada brothels do not pay state taxes, they do pay significant taxes to the county where they are located.
Legalization could also save law enforcement resources. The investigation into notorious John and former New York governor, Eliot Spitzer is a great example of how costly it can be to investigate sophisticated prostitution rings. From wiretapping to intercepting emails, these resources could be spent on catching terrorists instead of prostitution.
Prostitution is not going away anytime soon. There will always be lonely and kinky men looking for sex and women ready and waiting to rent out their bodies for the right price. Prostitution is a part of every culture. We legalize and regulate commerce that’s morally controversial — like tobacco, alcohol, gambling, lap-dancing, and pornography. Yes, women can be coerced into prostituting themselves, but we’re not helping them by making consenting sex-work a crime.
Are Yoni Eggs for Everyone?
A delivery does a lot with your body. Your uterus stretches out, your skin stretches, you can take a different posture and your pelvic floor muscles become slack. All not so bad, but it is important that you train this last group. If you have given birth, you will often receive tips and tricks from your maternity assistant to make them stronger. Good news: there are also yoga exercises for the pelvic floor muscles! Call it yoni yoga or vaginal yoga and you can use the yoni egg. So what size of yonieggs to use?
If you do not train your pelvic floor muscles, you may suffer from them. Especially as the number of children you get increases. For example, you may suffer from mild incontinence, a difficult bowel movement, and fatigue, pain during intercourse and pain in the lower abdomen. You do not feel empowered as a woman and you can even feel insecure. All is not nice. A stone egg, usually made of nephrite better known as ‘jade’ that you have to bring in and with which you can strengthen the muscles.
It may take some getting used to think of inserting tampon first time but it seems to give you a lot of strength afterwards. It is better for the blood circulation and the female energy is perfect. Well, how do you work? Buy a yoni egg first. You can buy them from various online shops, but you might have a store nearby where they sell these eggs. These are often the more spiritual stores. You can choose from different types of stone, so look where you prefer.
Every egg comes with a manual, so read it carefully. Somewhere it feels crazy to ‘bring in’ something, because maybe you’re afraid you’ll lose it. So make it a ritual and find a quiet place. In the evening before you go to sleep is also a good one. You lie down your back and bring it in. Put your feet on the ground and move your pelvis up and down. This will cause the egg to move. This strengthens the muscles. You can also honor a piece of string through the egg, so that you can “squeeze” it yourself inside and out. It’s worth the shot! There are also website, where a lot of interesting information can be found. It is certainly a good and beneficial exercise, even if you think it is a bit too sticky. Just try!
We now know what you do not want to stop in your smooch. But what if you do want to put something in it and that does not work because it’s a little dry down there? All shame on the side, today we make lubricant!
Gut man, what do you think up again? You have to be a bit of a hippie for it. But well, goat wool socks are nice and warm in the winter. And admit: this is the ultimate DIY. But first let’s see why you would actually want to, make yourself a lubricant.
The vagina naturally causes moisture and mucus. Fortunately, otherwise it squeaks when cycling. There are several causes for a drier vagina. For example, the production of vaginal fluid and mucus differs during your cycle. You start with blood of course not from your vagina but from your womb. After that, more and more fertile mucus is produced until you glide away from your chair just before ovulation. The mucus is thin and slippery, you can draw wires from it that may sound a little dirty but honest: you just hear this as a woman. These are the days of panty liners and natural wash cloths.
This fertile mucus forms as little barrier as possible for any sperm passing along, so that you can be fertilized after all, just about the biological function of a woman, even if not everyone is looking forward to it. If you do not fertilize, you dry up. At some point, they even become mucus plugs. This is the moment when the lubricant is pulled out of the cupboard, because even though you are excited: your fluid glands do not always cooperate. The time in your cycle therefore expires.
Another reason for a drier vagina is the transition. Less estrogen is produced and as a result the mucus-producing cells in the vagina are less active. Finally, an underlying cause can also play a role.
Make it yourself
Commercial lubricants have quite a few drawbacks. They often contain substances that you do not want in your butt plug and they often leave residues that are not romantic to wash out of your bush the next morning. Or out of your sheets. They are therefore not suitable if you do not use them out of romantic but for practical reasons for example, to insert your menstrual cup or to keep the daily moisturizing a little bit. It can be made in different ways and is very easy. Grab your pancake, put on your waitress’s uniform and let’s go!
It is very simple: Linseed has mucus, more than you and me together. They are released when you cook them. Take 2 tablespoons Linseed whole, not broken and a good mug of water. Put them in a pan and put it on the stove until it boils. Let it simmer for a while until it becomes slimy. Throw it through a tea strainer and let it cool down. It can be kept for about a week in the fridge.
If you find it too much trouble to cook your lubricant, then there is a plant that she already has ready-made for you. The Aloe vera is a healthy plant that has experienced quite hype. Pay attention therefore that you get the good plant at a garden center. They do well on the windowsill and then make thick leaves. Cut a leaf and peel it. That is important, because there is bitter, yellow juice just under the skin. The gel is wrapped around the slimy, transparent plant material.
This is quite simple: just take a bottle of olive oil to bed or a jar of coconut oil for a tropical night. Works fine, but gives stains and you cannot use it in combination with condoms or toys, because latex and silicone cannot stand fat.
Glycerin and xanthenes gum
This way requires a little more search, because you have to buy the ingredients. But once you have them at home, you can make fresh lubricant within a minute, 100% natural and with a pleasant consistency. Make sure you have vegetable glycerin; often you can buy the ingredients at a natural shop or old-fashioned drugstore.
The recipe is simple: 1 tablespoon of vegetable glycerin, a half teaspoon xanthenes gum (stirring until everything is dissolved) and then 1 tablespoon of water (stirring again). Voila: lubricant on the spot without vegetable hippie rituals. One disadvantage: glycerin attracts moisture, and can therefore dry out precious parts. Not everyone suffers from that, but that is a matter of trying.
Since you do not add a preservative, you can only store all these lubricants for a short time maximum one week in the refrigerator.
With all this home care you can choose to add ingredients that increase the appetite. You can use essential oil of spearmint for a cool stimulus experience or clove for a warm sensuous stimulus. But beware, because on the quantities you see above, one drop of essential oil is far too much! So know what you are doing and only use good quality oil. Alternatively, you can also add a minimum amount of pepper clove or ginger powder. It is less strong but yet tasty.
How Can You Avoid Allergic Reaction from Latex?
According to a survey, half of the women have sex with their clothes on: here are the sexy accessories to wear for pleasure
A skirt curled on the hips, a t-shirt rose to discover the breasts…
Having sex with clothes on has always had a very particular eroticism, dictated by the haste and the need for an instinct that cannot wait for the body to undress to seek union, to seek pleasure. It is the representation of the passion that upsets even the most punished.
It is therefore not surprising to read that, according to a survey conducted by MyCelebrityFashion.co.uk on 1500 people, 50% of women prefer to have sex with at least one garment on them and that 54% of them claim to do so for a “question of image” “, which men do not mind at all (36%), just because they do not take off (completely) the clothes – even the pants, just lower them – adds a thrill of transgression to sex. Perhaps, this being the case, we should not even talk about clothes or lingerie, rather, sexy accessories.
At this point, it is important to ask what to wear : 68% prefer the bra , 69% a negligee , 40% high heels and 31% a pair of culottes , even sporty, from the look a bit ‘masculine. With the use of the Inflatable latex, as offered by laidtex, the options are perfect now.
If you want to dare, I also suggest:
- Atie, with which you can also improvise some bondage games
- A men’s shirt, stolen from him to smell it and leave yours as a reminder
- A colored wig or a mask (even if they are not actual clothes)
- A pair of stockings or a garter belt
Obviously without anything underneath. They make their “slut” figure
Intervention / The erotic fantasies are an excellent starting engine of desire and sexual excitement. Sometimes they have the form of images, of small red light films for “personal use”.
They can be intentionally recalled to increase the excitement itself, during a love act or masturbation, or they can come suddenly, leaving us surprised and sometimes even upset, above all, when to the imagination is added the component of the forbidden, even inner prohibition.
At first glance, erotic fantasies may seem paradoxical. If we observe them closely, we actually discover that in them we tend to live what in our daily life remains in the shade and that we tend to compensate in that way.
So, to be clear, those in life have many responsibilities, including work, dreams, for example, to be subdued by a woman or a dominant man; the janitor of being a rich businessman who has at his feet various irresistible women; the most extreme feminist to be taken strongly; the husband of a brunette with big breasts imagines a blonde with small breasts, and so on..
The various serologicalresearches, from the 80s onwards, have widely revealed the contents of the most common erotic fantasies between men and women. For men : making love with a partner different from their own; to make and receive oral sex; make love with two women or watch them as they flirt with each other; have an adventure with a stranger; raping a prostitute; make a couple exchange; make love with a pregnant woman; having group sex; being “enslaved” and subdued by a woman.
- For women, the most recurring fantasies emerged are: being taken strongly or submissively; to make and receive oral sex; make love with another woman; make love with two men; exchange the partner; go around without slip; have more orgasms and in different ways; to seduce a man in front of his woman; do something forbidden and in unusual places; have an adventure with a black man or remember previous experiences.
- What we imagine is not always part of what we would like to put into practice in our sexuality: it is here that we find the difference between what belongs to the narrowest sphere of desire, from what remains most in the mental sphere of fantasy.
- To simplify, we “insiders”, we tend to distinguish fantasies in three categories: 1. those that identify with a specific desire, which one wants to realize and act in one’s life; 2. those that closely touch it, and that under certain conditions of protection and security, one would like to explore; 3. those obsessive fantasies (fortunately extremely reduced in percentage) that in some cases recall a traumatic event, in an attempt to rework it and overcome it.
- The erotic imagery is an important indicator of psychosexual well-being, so much so that those who specialize in sexology often use it to support individuals and couples to overcome any sexual dysfunction present (not organic), such as: the decline in desire, erectile dysfunction (1 man in 5, – an increasingly frequent phenomenon even among under- 40s); premature ejaculation (2 to 4 out of 10); female anorgasmia (2 out of 10 women).
It still happens too often, however, that sexual fantasies are experienced with feelings of guilt and shame. Especially when the subject of the imagination is not made up of one’s partner.
Research and good clinical practices show, on the contrary, that the longer a relationship is lasting, the more partners need to resort to “divergent”fantasies, with a protagonist of his own fantasy different from his own.
Studies and scientific research, related to sexual imagery, show that, with the end of the falling-in-love phase, even after 2 years of cohabitation or stable couples, there is a tendency to “replace ” sometimes one’s boyfriend, the his partner with the unknown, the actress, the neighbor … The reasons are physiological .
Changing partners in their fantasies is not a betrayal. It only serves to keep the desire burning, to “put some pepper” in one’s relationship and to preserve the couple itself.
If both partners are trapped in a monotonous sexual routine, sharing their erotic fantasies can help: make one another or the other of their erotic universe more aware; to liven up the relationship; create new foundations in terms of complicity and play, and rekindle the ardor of the past.
When the phase of ‘ falling in love ends physiologically, the desire to transgress spontaneously emerges, to explore some of those fantasies that appear with greater insistence.
For modesty, embarrassment or shame of being misjudged by the other, it is silent. The erotic-sexual relationship enters a stalemate, with some knock-on effects on the couple’s relationship, which gradually wears off.
The vitality of the couple flattens out. The need arises to resort to the outside, in secret, and find a lover to experience what the couple cannot live and achieve.
What’s The Hype with Vintage Sex Toys?
Sex toys include not only stimulants, but also sex furniture and even underwear. However, if there are no questions to the latter – take them and carry them, then there are obviously questions to the first paragraph.
By type of use, we will divide stimulators into three groups: classic toys imitating a member balls (anal, vaginal), double strap-ons.
The first group of vintage sex toys includes dildos, plugs, and vibrators. The sex toys for men include such a device as prostate stimulants. We also rank him in this category. The rules for these toys are as follows. When unpacking, you need to clean the device according to the instructions. Cleaning must also be carried out before and after use. What means for this to use are always indicated.
Before use, you should examine the texture of the device with your hands in order to get used to it. If you have a vibrator in your hands, it is advised to first try it on erogenous zones. Move them, check the intensity of work. And only then immerse. Moreover, to introduce a vibrator into yourself should be at low speed especially if you do it for the first time.
As with regular sex, sex toys for women should be injected only if the vagina or anus is sufficiently moist. In a situation with different sexual devices, you can use your own lubricant or water-based lubricant. Butt plugs owned by call girls are the common types.
Anal and vaginal balls
These toys are identical in name, but completely different in form. A pair of heavy balls, like the one at lovegasm, is used for the vagina. They allow you to have fun while playing with them and having sex with your partner in the future. The thing is that these balls train the muscles of the vagina. In terms of hygiene, they are treated the same way as with classic toys.
Anal balls are a few balls on a plastic string. They are injected alternately and slowly into the anus. Pull out with the same caution. Do not use alternately for anal and vaginal passage.
Double Strap on: Sex Toys for Two
Double strap-ons are modern sex toys for two. Allow to enjoy at the same time. Often used by lesbian couples. One end of the strap-on is inserted into the dominant partner in the vagina or anus, and the other into the subordinate. The couple chooses who moves or who moves the strapon arm. The toy requires exactly the same care as any vaginal toys. Do not use silicone grease for silicone products.
It is often wrongly imagined that Cro-Magnon’s men were stupid, brutal and idiotic. Do you deceive, in the Upper Paleolithic, there was already evidence of refinement including in the erotic universe. As evidence, a phallus of polished stone found during archaeological excavations in the region of Ulm, Germany, would be the oldest sextoy in the world. Dated 28,000 years ago, the sex object is 20 cm long (7.8 inches) and 3 cm wide (1.1 inches). We do not know in which context this artificial phallus was used, but its function is undeniable.
It is also during this period, in the Upper Paleolithic, that Venus begins to appear, like that of Willendorf (25 000 years), with its apparent feminine sexual attributes. Maybe they were used to excite men of the time, much like our erotic magazines and our pornographic sites.
Already in the Neolithic, the sexual objects are more sophisticated and the representation more faithful to reality as this phallus carved in antler, found during archaeological excavations in Sweden, which dates back 6,000 years.
In ancient times, the use of sexual objects is already more widespread. Egyptians, Greeks, Romans, Chinese used occasional artificial phalluses to give themselves pleasure.
However, it will be necessary to wait until 1902 for the first commercially available electric vibrator, a creation of the Hamilton Beach Company, which will provide the women with new sensations although the device was not very erotic at first glance.
The 5 most popular sex toys of women and how not to be permanently replaced by them
In adult films, sex toys are very popular. In real life, it’s another story. It’s not all women who play with vibrators and other things like that. However, that does not mean that no woman uses it. According to 2010 statistics from TheirToys.com, 44% of women ages 18 to 60 have ever used a sex toy. It’s almost one in two women. The statistics do not say if all these women were single, but there are probably some who used one of these machines when they were in a relationship. We do not want to alarm you, gentlemen, but your spouse may have one. Who knows? Maybe she already showed you?
Some men may be afraid, some day, to become obsolete and to be replaced in whole or in part by one of these silicone objects. To reassure you, we will show you five sex toys popular among women, and most importantly, what to do, not to be replaced by them (even if there is little chance that it happens).
It is undoubtedly the most popular toy. Very reliable, and offered in different sizes, the vibrator offers a lot of freedom to madam. She can choose the speed and vary the pressure.
How to replicate: You will be able to play with the intensity of the report. Start slowly and gradually increase the pace. You can go back to the sweetness before going off again fiercely. You can also change position and ask her what she prefers.
It is a small vibrator as big as a thumb and sometimes reminiscent of a shell. It was designed to stimulate his “bean”, which can allow him to reach orgasm in a fairly short time (obviously, it can vary from one woman to another …).
How to replicate: Instead of wanting to take off your bobbles and get on it, take your time. Make your hands shiny. Go between his legs. Do not hesitate to make her languish. Take breaks. When you feel that you have long enough, go with your hand or with your tongue.
It is a vibrator with two “rods”: one to simulate the “coffee bean” of the lady and the other for the point G. It is therefore more intense than a normal vibrator.
How to replicate: Instead of always focusing in the same place, vary the pleasures. Do not be afraid to stimulate two places at the same time, both during the preliminaries and during the act.
The dildo (or “dildo”)
Sometimes women also like simplicity. This is where the dildo comes in. This is what comes closest to a man’s gear. But then, why would she use that?
How to replicate: Try to involve him more. Ask her if the intensity, movement or depth are correct for her. Maybe she was just too shy to talk about it before.
This is not a real sex toy, but some women like to use this kind of accessories when they are alone.
How to replicate: You can simply see with her if she wants to use it during the report. At worst, you can go shopping in a sex shop. You will find all kinds of products made for couples, like chocolate showers or massage products that smell of fruit. It may bring some spice to your couple!
Remember, if you have found a sex toy in her dresser that does not mean she is not satisfied. Maybe she just wants to explore her body and find out what kind of stimulation she prefers.
Of course, we just showed you how to “replicate” a sex toy, but in reality we just wanted you to see the discovery of a vibrator in a more positive than negative way. In short, we wanted you to ask questions about what happens in the bedroom at night and see if you could bring a little spice to your relationship.
In fact, if a woman really came to replace you with one of these things, it would probably hide a much deeper problem in the couple (either from you or from her). After all, it’s a little unhealthy to prefer a rubber object to flesh.
The 10 Most Popular (but unusual) Sexual Fantasies Women Have
So you think men are dirtier than women do you?
Well think again… because women are filthy creatures.
There are things women think about… sexual fantasies they visualise in their minds every single day, that would SHOCK you.
Yep. Women are THAT naughty.
And it helps to know just how dirty a woman can be…
Why you ask?
Simple, it’s so (us men) can help them live out their sexual fantasies and be the guy that makes their dreams come true… literally.
So without further ado…
Here are the 10 most popular sexual fantasies a woman has:
1. THREESOME (EXTRA MAN OR WOMAN)
It’s not just men that crave that thressome with another hot girl… women do to! In fact it’s the most common sexual fantasy for women.
Some women like the third party to be a woman, others like it to be a man, but they get a kick out of someone else being in the room that they’ve never had sex with before.
2. DOMINATION (BOTH WAYS)
Another one of top fantasies women have… domination. You’ll usually find mixed feelings about this topic. A lot of women like to be the dominant one where they dress up in latex style dominatrix bodysuits and control the man.
Other women prefer being the submissive ones and letting the man tie them up, blindfold them and have their way with them. Sex toys are a big winner in the domination fantasy.
3. FORCE FANTASY
Also known as the “rape fantasy”… I know creepy right? Some chicks dig the whole forced sex thing, struggling to break free from a big strong (Hugh Jackman) type dude… but secretly enjoying every second and even having an orgasm when she knows she shouldn’t.
4. A STUNNING WOMAN
Yep… you read it right. Some women want to nail a hot lady, like the women you see in Victoria’s Secret for example. I mean who wouldn’t really, they’re pretty much perfect.
The feeling of touching another woman who’s worshiped by men is a HUGE turn on to some girls.
5. DIRTY DANCER
Oooh you little devil! Women may look down on strippers when you ask them about strip joints, but behind the scenes they would LOVE to strip for their man. Giving him the best lap dance he could ever have.
6. GROUP SEX AND ORGIES
Going Swedish baby. A lot of chicks like the swapping partners thing, group sex with people she can trust and playing around with other guys whilst you’re playing around with other women. It’s a taboo subject that makes it all very exciting indeed.
Ever since she was at school and starting fantasising about that manly teacher that every girl wanted… she hasn’t stopped thinking about him bending her over the desk and slapping her ass, telling her she’s a naughty little girl for not doing her homework.
Roleplaying is a massive subject with women, they love it. So make sure you’re acting skills are up to scratch. One of the most common, reportedly, roleplaying being done by couples involve a dead guy wearing chastity cage. It turns out that it’s common than you think.
Ever wanted to make a homemade porno? Well now’s your chance. Some women regularly fantasise about being photographed naked, having sex on camera and showing their sexy curves to the world. So make it happen for her.
9. PUBLIC QUICKIE
The thought of walking a shopping mall… seeing a guy she likes and banging his brains out in the toilet actually turns some women on. The public quickie is a top sexual fantasy because it involves never seeing that guy again and living life on the wild side.
Like other people watching you from the cupboard or outside the bedroom window while you do it? Nope, me either… but some girls seriously love it. So if you like the girl, grab a friend and ask him for a favour 😉
So that’s it, the top 10 most popular sexual fantasies women have. Freaky deaky huh?
Ladies… What is your biggest sexual fantasy and why?
Gents… What’s the freakiest thing a girl has asked you to do because it’s her fantasy?
A Beginner’s Guide To Sex Toys
Toys: fun! Sex: usually great! But put those words together and you run the gamut of reactions from clueless blank looks to passionate enthusiasm to terrified images of spikes in places where there should NOT be sharp objects.
But as millions of people know, there is very little to fear and a lot of fun to be had. Half of women who use sex toys purchased their first toy in their 20s, which as you may notice, is the age of most Literally, Darling readers. Therefore, it is my journalistic duty as Health Editor to report on such important matters, because I know in the age of online review overload, there are lots of questions.
Adam & Eve, the nation’s largest marketer of adult products, has offered up a great infographic as starting point—and reassurance that sex toys are quite common (and have been around for 28,000 years!). They also granted us access to their resident sexpert, Dr. Kat (yes, she actually has a PhD in Human Sexuality/Clinical Sexology from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality), to answer some of LD’s most pressing questions about sex toys.
1. What should beginners look for in a sex toy?
Dr. Kat: “Think about how you masturbate and what stimulation feels the best. Clitoral, vaginal, G-Spot, anal? Then begin looking at toy categories that target these areas.
Read reviews. There can be a wide variety of power options and intensities. Some people prefer stronger vibration so they may want to choose a vibrator that plugs in; others might like indirect or mild stimulation. Choose a rechargeable vibe if you don’t want to deal with batteries. Many better products have USB options. Avoid plug ins if you don’t like wires.”
2. What kind of price range should we be looking at to be sure we get something high quality (like, is the material of an $8 vibrator eventually going to give me cancer or something)?
Dr. Kat: “Although research has been inconclusive on the direct relationship between sex toy material and cancer, it is assumed that there are materials that are more body friendly than others. Silicone, glass and certain metals are considered higher quality [If you have sensitive skin, you probably want to shop in this category]. Granted, some people don’t mind using lower grade plastic sex toys as they will probably not be coming into continued contact with the vaginal membranes—you won’t be wearing it all day. Lower priced toys may be a good way to initially figure out what stimulation works well for you; then you can upgrade later on. If you want to start with quality, there are plenty of mid-range products ($25-45) that can meet your needs.”
3. Do you have any lube advice?
Dr. Kat: “Use lube! Lubricant makes everything more slippery, and will undoubtedly make any sex toy experience more enjoyable. A toy that feels too big or vibrates too strongly might feel just right with the addition of a little lube. The main thing to remember is to test it on your skin to be sure you don’t have any reactions to it, preferably on the inside of your wrist versus the sensitive skin in your vagina. Although water based lubes seem to do the trick for most people, make sure that if you are sensitive that there are no additives like dyes, colors or alcohol. You can also go organic if you prefer. Be aware that some oils and silicone lubes may make some sex toy materials break down, especially if they aren’t cleaned properly.”
4. Speaking of, can you tell them more about keeping toys clean—especially keeping in mind most of us have roommates?
Dr. Kat: “Keep a good anti-bacterial soap near your sink. There are also specialty toy cleaners on the market. You can use condoms on your toys if they are easier to dispose of versus clean. If your bathroom isn’t en suite, keep a small clean towel to wrap your used toy in to take it to and from the bathroom for cleaning. Air drying toys tends to be best, but if you don’t feel comfortable keeping them out in your room, make sure you dry them completely (every nook and cranny) with a clean towel.
Store them in a cool, dark and dry location. Make sure you don’t allow your toys to touch in storage. Sometimes the materials may interact with one another and cause them to break down. There are even anti-bacterial bags and incognito storage units designed specifically for this purpose. Take the batteries out if you don’t use your toys regularly. Batteries can corrode, ruining your toy.
Also, don’t forget that you can transfer certain STIs via unclean sex toys. Try not to share them with your partner unless you use a condom or wash them thoroughly. Never transfer your sex toy from your anus directly into your vagina as this may cause an infection.”
5. Do vaginal toys interfere with an IUD at all?
Dr. Kat: “Typically vaginal toys do not cause any issues with IUDs. However, if for some reason your IUD wasn’t placed properly or dislodges, I could see how there might be an issue. Also, if you are more prone to infections, make sure you keep your toys very clean so that additional pathogens don’t make their way up the string.”
6. When and how should beginners incorporate sex toys into a relationship?
Dr. Kat: “You may not want to break out your vibe the first time you have sex with someone, but I do suggest that you introduce your partner to it within the first few times you have sex. This way, they’ll know that you already incorporate the use of a toy and may be less intimidated by it. If you wait too long, you run the risk of your partner thinking you are hiding it from them. Plus you will potentially miss the opportunity to be more orgasmic.
You may want to purposely leave your toy out one night so it is readily accessible and/or ask them if you can show them how to use it on you. Too many women don’t do this and then their partners end up never learning how to pleasure them with their own toys.”
7. Any other advice for sex toy beginners?
Dr. Kat: “Go solo. Play with your toy alone before introducing it into couples play, this way you learn what feels good and can show your partner.
Try one toy that does several things. Instead of committing to one type of toy, try a toy that vibrates and is insertable, or one that can be used in a harness and for anal stimulation. You might find that you really like to use your new G-spot vibrator for stimulating your nipples.
Start small. When buying a toy for insertion, it’s better to err on the small side. If it’s too big you probably won’t play with it, but a toy that’s a little too small can still bring hours of enjoyment.
If at first you don’t succeed, try again. If one sex toy doesn’t thrill you, use that experience to decide what you do want the next time around: different size, stronger vibration, softer material. Testing several different toys is the best way to find what works.”