Intimacy Tips

Here is an exercise that I recommend for my couples for homework, I find that it’s a short and quick way to begin uncovering vulnerability and increasing intimacy. Just 5 minutes could make all the difference in your day and marriage!

Here’s a quick step-by-step guide to an exercise we call, “Heads on Pillows.”


  • Make sure to devote five minutes to this exercise. Be present and engaged with your partner with no distractions.
  • With clothes on, lie down and face each other at eye level and place both of your heads on a pillow.
  • Be still, don’t make faces, gestures.
  • Look into your partner’s eyes and try to see all the way into his or her soul.
  • Look at your partner continuously without breaking contact.
  • Allow yourself to let go into the experience beyond any initial feelings until you breakthrough to connection.
  • Once five minutes are up, talk to your partner about the experience. What feelings did it bring up? Did you experience your partner in a different way?

Many things could happen, you could giggle, cry, or have any number of emotions come up. Whatever happens is all perfectly fine, use this opportunity to connect and talk to your mate and have it be a conversation starter. Talk about whether you both find it easy or hard to be vulnerable and let people fully in, and how you have experienced this all of your life. Remember, continued positive experiences together can be transformative in your marriage!